I'm Working On It!

I know, I know ... it's been weeks since I last posted! And, yes, I'm talking more about Claire's blog than mine since hers is the one with pictures. I guess things have just been busy around here. My company's also being impacted by all the mess going on with the economy. When no one spends money, no one needs goods shipped. So there's that. We've had a couple of holiday parties, accidently missed a couple of parties (I swear, we've been busy), and been lucky enough to see some long-missed friends.

Then, Claire was sick a couple of weeks ago. When I took her into the doctor, he prescribed her breathing treatments which meant that we had to somehow get a fiesty 10 month old to sit still and breathe in Albuterol from a nebulizer three times a day. Needless to say, Claire got to watch a lot of TV that week. She's much better now and switched over to the liquid Albuterol.

*** I have a story here that I should probably insert, but I'll write about it another time. But you can ask me about it ... just use the keyword "nosebleed". [shudder] ***

As for Claire, she's growing more every day. She's babbling a ton, and I SWEAR that she said "duck" and used it correctly at least once. She knows commands like "up" - which is very useful when washing her hair! - and is taking baths is the grown-up tub now. She has fun activities like the blinking game where you can take turns blinking back and forth with her for minutes at a time. One of my favorite things is that she waves "Hi" and "Bye-bye" and will do it anytime she hears either even if on TV or from a toy!

I can see her imagination starting to blossom as I watch her playing by herself and talking to the objects around her. She likes to take two similar objects in each hand and knock them against each other, and one very useful interest right now is her liking to put things into containers ... helps with the picking up at night. :) She's starting to recognize the similarities between people. Not sure how to explain that, but an example is if I have something in my hair, she'll touch her own head to find an equivalent item. Or she'll touch my nose and then touch her own.

Her eating habits are crazy as usual. She somehow learned that when she's done or doesn't want something, she just tosses it over the side of her tray so that she no longer has to deal with it. This week, she's also decided that behind her ear is a good place for things she doesn't want (I have no idea why). Unfortunately, she's also become a pickier eater recently ... she knows what she likes, and she knows what she doesn't like. It has been fun, however, testing out her tastebuds with all sorts of foods. She's also pretty sure that she's going to feed herself instead of you feeding her most of the time, so we go through lots of bibs and usually head straight to the bathtub after a meal.

No, she's still not walking on her own yet, but I'm okay with that. I am in no need to have a show-off baby ... a happy, healthy one is good enough for me! Mostly she holds our fingers, furniture surfs, or pushes items around the room to get around. She definitely knows where she wants to go though, so there's no much question that she's the one driving you from place to place!

I figure there's no huge need to get Claire a lot of gifts for Christmas this year, but I am thinking about giving her some bags with tissue paper to open since she's enjoying that immensely right now. I'm hoping to institute a 2 gift rule for her ... one from us and one from Santa. We'll see how that goes.

James and I are staying in Dallas instead of going anywhere these next couple of weeks. I'm out of vacation days after using them up during my maternity leave, and we already went to Aspen this year for my parents' family vacation. My whole family is coming up over New Years and to celebrate my dad's birthday, so I'll get to see everyone then. I thought his parents would come up for Christmas since I'm sure they'll be busy once Baby James (George's baby) is due soon, but it looks like it's just us three for Christmas. We've decided that we're going to start a few Christmas traditions on our own, so it'll be hot pot, a holiday-themed movie, and gift opening on Christmas Eve, then a big country breakfast and Santa's gift on Christmas Day. Not a bad plan, if you ask me.

Okay, so there's the big update. And while I was typing this update, I was also working on sorting all the pictures and videos from this month, so look for those on Claire's site shortly!

Sleeping Problems Demystified

Well, apparently Claire's recent sleeping problems is supposed to happen. I had to google the heck out of "problems sleeping at nine months" and hundreds of variations to figure out what the heck is going on. The changes is sleeping patterns could be a couple of things (and I have a feeling we got a double-whammy): separation anxiety and pre-walking. Fabulous.

Separation anxiety happens after a child learns about object permanence (oh, you still exist even though I can't see you) and suddenly realizes that Mom and Dad are out there somewhere WITHOUT THE BABY! With Claire, oftentimes she's okay, but as soon as she realizes I've left the room, I'm stuck carrying her for the next hour or so after I come back in because she doesn't want to chance me leaving her again. It's weird though because she'll get distracted and then be fine if I'm not around she's fine until she sees me again and remembers that she was upset that I left. So there's that.

Then, apparently there's another milestone in which babies mess up their otherwise pretty good sleeping habits, and that's when they're getting ready to walk. What I've read says that they're so focused on putting together the new movement patterns they're learning that they're not able to turn off their excitement at night and will probably wake every 3 to 4 hours to practice (which usually includes standing in their cribs holding onto the side and wailing). Sums up Claire pretty well, except add "mamamamama babababababa mamamamama dadadadadada!!!!" to that wailing. Nothing like it, especially at 1 and 4 and 5 and 6 in the morning. So what's the timing of THAT being resolved? After she's taken her first steps per my research. Needless to say, I tried to get her to practice walking a lot this weekend after I read that ... but with the separation anxiety, it was hard to pry her off my hip long enough to even get her to try and stand!

This too shall pass. :) I know it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I'm in awe and wonder of the amazing transformations and growth in my baby. I know what I'm going through just watching it all happen; for her, it must be overwhelming! A few sleepless nights and less personal time is worth it for a happy, healthy baby.

P.S. A random tidbit for you as long as we're talking about sleeping. I've reverted back to the early days of sleep deprivation where I'll semi-wake in the middle of the night to make sure the baby isn't in the bed with us. Seriously. This first happened the first month -- before Claire ever even got in our bed -- when I was so sleep-deprived, disoriented, and brain-dead that I woke just certain that I carried our newborn into bed with us. Well, apparently I'm doing it again where I'll wake up to make sure Claire's situated safely in the bed ... but she's not there. Weird, right? At least it's just a "is the baby okay?" and a gentle rustling rather than the crazy freak-out like it was that first time, and it's not coupled with a James-sized freak-out to match and intensify the moment anymore, either! :D I've also figured out that I don't remotely do this at all when I'm actually IN the bed with her. Maybe the baby monitor is too close to my ear or something to where I can hear her too well. I dunno. I'm sure James thinks I'm a total weirdo, but I know he's also getting used to it and handles the situation to get me coherent pretty quickly. Oh, and I also don't really remember it in the morning (it just blends in with my other dreams), but James is quick to remind me each and every morning what a looney I am. Thanks, honey.

P.P.S. For those of you offering to help watch the baby so that I can sleep, it's not all her; it's me, too. During the crazy work hours weeks, I was pushing myself too hard. Plus, apparently my body hasn't forgetten my old habits of wanting to stay up late, yet it somehow learned to auto-wake too early. So I appreciate your offers, but I'm okay. Feel free to come over and help Claire practice walking, though. ;)

Miss Independent

It's crazy how every day it seems like Claire does something new and grows up a little more right before my eyes. In an effort to assert herself, she has recently decided that she is tired of taking bottles and us feeding her; she prefers to feed herself and usually prefers whatever we're eating on the table instead of jar food (can't blame her, really). She also babbles to herself when she's eating; I think she picked that up from watching her dad and I. Luckily, we passed that 9-month milestone with the whole wheat thing, so the world is wide open for her except for the main allergens: shellfish, egg whites, milk, and nuts. I'm also grateful that she's not a picky eater and seems to love all new foods. I hope she keeps that up!

You can just tell no good will come of this

Oddly enough, the school still reports that she eats her food and drinks her bottles (she's finally up to 8oz), so it's just at home that she thinks she's Miss Independent. I'm considering having the school also feed her from their menu (save some money!), but I'm not convinced yet ... it seems like their fare is so sugary and full of sodium and nitrates. Not exactly what I want to be feeding my babydoll quite yet. At least the jar foods are organic and not full of preservatives even if I'm not Martha Stewart enough to make it myself.

She's so proud of herself, you can't help but laugh

Claire's also crawling like a madwoman and pulling up on everything. She'll actually stand on her own for a second or two when she forgets to hold on to something, but so far it's purely accidental. One of the most fun things is that she now dances whenever she hears music. Sometimes it's a little sway from side to side, sometimes we get a head bop, and other times it's an all out full-body wiggle-wiggle. She's waving bye-bye to things and people, and she shakes her head no when she doesn't want something. She's slowly learning the nod as well, and I'm trying to teach her gongxi-gongxi (hands together thanking).

Probably foraging for more food. She likes to harvest her dropped food after the meal.

The last few days, her sleeping has seemed to gone awry. Even as I type right now, I'm listening to her cry it out yet again. :( Not sure what's up, but the girl has been waking at 12:30am (but sometimes puts herself back down) and then again about 4:30am. The 4:30 is the killer because that's when she stands up in the crib, holds onto the side, and just bawls until you get her ... which she then proceeds to want to play (which I do NOT indulge or at least make her do it by herself in the dark) for an hour or two before falling back asleep (usually with me on the couch or in a bed). The last two days, the falling back asleep was until 8 or 9 in the morning! Luckily it was flexible enough at James' work this week that he could wait until she woke, but I have a feeling we need to get her back on track pretty soon. I blame it on teething (I try to blame everything on teething .. hehe).

The roll is almost bigger than her head!

James and I are staying in Dallas this year for Thanksgiving, and all of our families are staying in their respective cities as well. We just happened to all see each other during November somehow, so I guess the urgency isn't strotng enough to deal with the traffic. My parents plan on coming to Dallas over New Year's before they head to Taiwan for Chinese New Year, and we'll see his family in a few weeks in Austin when George's baby is born. Instead, James and I are hosting an "Orphans' Thanksgiving" for all the folks who can't be with their families this holiday weekend. Food, drinks, and football ... sounds like a great combination!

Just a slight drinking problem

Surfacing for Air

It's been a little insane lately, mostly with work. Between SOX testing, yearly audits, 3rd Party pressures, CSI, and the economy (and the inevitable organizational impacts), I've been totally swamped. It wasn't until today though that I realized it was a little out of control and it's time to take my life back.

For the last month or so, I've been working my normal 8.5 hours during the day, coming home to have dinner, play a little while, put Claire down, and then would hop back online for another 3 hours to get more done. Wash, rinse, repeat. Hence why I haven't been able to post on her blog. I used to do updates in the evenings while watching TV or relaxing, but that time no longer existed. Other things that went away was time to check everyone else's blogs, time with friends, time with James, and time for myself.

This week, though, I realized that I can't continue like that much longer. It hit me while I was on a business trip, away from home, and missing family. Even when I had the chance to go to bed early, sleep without interruption, and do whatever I wanted without having to worry about others, I found myself working long hours, staying up to deal with work, and getting up early to do even more. Not a good way of balancing my life!

It was even worse that James got sick early in the week while watching Claire. Luckily his parents were able to drive into town to help out, but it just killed me knowing that there was so much sacrifice going on just to bring in my paycheck. >:(

So, today, I took my life back ... or at least one sliver. I sorted through pictures, posted on Claire's blog, and didn't check my work email all the while. Woo-hoo for me!

Diaper Rash

I'll bet you thought I was going to write about Halloween and how incredibly cute Claire was (and I will ... and she was), but I first need to document Claire's first diaper rash.

It's awful. :( On Wednesday when she got home, I noticed that she made a poop so I went to change her. Her bum and surrounding area was all red, splotchy, and sensitive (based on her whimpers as I tried to change her). Heartbreaking!

I'm not sure what caused it (well, my guess is it's the runny poop ... which my guess is caused by the ill decision on our part to give her plums and oatmeal after a couple of days of pellety poop), so I'm not changing anything about her diet -- except no more plums. I also put the jar of spinach way back in the pantry so that we don't accidently pull that one out.

We've been slathering diaper cream all over the area after every changing - Desitin, Boudreaux's Butt Paste, and even Dr. Smith's (the stuff that they keep behind the pharmacist's counter for some reason -- does that make it truly OVER the counter?) - and have been trying to give her nekkid butt time. No accidents until today when she decided to straddle my foot and give it a nice wash. You can tell I've quite evolved as I just let her finish, as to not startle her, and get James to come clean it up. Having learned from that event, I decided to faux-cloth diaper her, though that may slow the flow, however it doesn't stop it altogether. I think I'm missing something in the cloth diapering step-by-step process.

It's getting better; it's just awful to experience. People at work are amazed that she's made it to 9 months without a rash until now. I would have been happy to make it 9 (or 19 or 9 million) more!

The fun stuff (ie Halloween with LOTS of pictures) will be posted on Claire's site shortly.

OBX Trip Report Card

Claire's grades for the trip:

• DFW to ORF/OBX trip: A-


• Sleeping at Corolla Beachhouse: C-


• Behavior: A (not counting the weird separation anxiety moments)


• Eating: A- (she really is a good eater even though it pains me how much formula we throw away)


• Sleeping at Nags Head Beachhouse: B (if you don't count the throw-up incident)


• ORF to DFW flight: C


• Cuteness: A+!

We had a fabulous time in North Carolina. It was wonderful to see all of the Pee family which we just don't do often enough, and going to bless a wedding between two awesome people made it even that much more special. Daphne's such an incredible person with a huge heart, strong convictions, and palpable loyalty ... oh, and killer calves ... hehe. She's totally someone I would want to be friends with even if I weren't related to her by marriage. And for her to find someone like Drew-(Pee) who is unmatchable in wit and random trivia and oozes love and affection for his new bride, I know there are many years of happiness and laughter ahead.

I may have said this before, but it's interesting that - since I've had Claire - when I see weddings, I think less of myself and more of what it will be to see my little girl all growed up and getting married off to someone else. Weird, right? So when I see a Daddy/Daughter dance, I may recollect my own with my Daddy, but tears will spring when I think about James dancing with Claire like that one day. Cheesey.

A special "Yay!" for people who do destination weddings (and invite us to attend!). Besides my own, we've gone to Syndee/Danny's (cruise/Mexico), Tim/Tenny's (California), Nina/Giang's (Costa Rica), and now Daphne/Drew's (Outer Banks) destination weddings together, and what I've discovered is that the weddings are even more enjoyable because you're relaxed on vacation and not worried about having to hurry back to anything immediately. It's just you, them, and tons of new memories. So, big time hint to you folks who have yet to tie the knot ... hint, hint, hint!

And I leave you with a little something that I provided to Daphne for her wedding. She had solicited words of wisdom from her guests on "what is love" and "what is marriage" to share during the ceremony. While mine may not be wisdom, per se, they're at least words (and some were even used!):

"Love is..." –

• undeniable


• taking each day to discover what more you can give rather than what else you can get … and being happy to do it


• willingly changing your last name to “Pee” because you want to share everything with the one you love :)


• a fire that must constantly be fed by supporting words, frequent hugs and kisses, and memories created together

"Marriage is..." –

• a commitment to actively show one another how much you love each other


• a union with your favorite travel companion, heat pump on cold nights, dinner date, partner in crime, and best friend


• entering the toughest and darkest of times arm-in-arm and emerging possibly charred, scarred, battered, and broken but clasping tightly hand-in-hand


• how you get your parents to stop worrying that you’re living in sin with a boy!

Snotty-nosed Mom!

It's official. Claire's cooties are way stronger than my antibodies. Whatever she had on Friday - that I'm glad I had her stay home for - decided to latch on to me. On Saturday, my throat hurt, I had a low-grade fever, and I was just generally miserable. Yesterday, I had the body aches, hot flashes, shivers, couldn't sleep, swollen glands, the works! I even felt like I was suffocating when I was lying down because my throat was so constricted.

On Sunday, since Claire sounded so badly and we weren't sure whether to take her to daycare (worried about contagious-ness; see? look how considerate we are!), we decided to take her to the Acute Kids Urgent Care -- after the Cowboys game, of course. The doctor put her on another round of antibiotics, the same as last time but stronger. Something about a wider spectrum. When the doctor asked whether there was anything else I wanted, I asked if he could take a look at my throat. He took a peek and said, "yours looks more red than Claire's! You should see a doctor."

So I did. And I have strep throat. Blech. I asked the doctor when I would be better, and he said that I should be better within the next couple of days. When I asked about the contagious-ness, he said that it's 24-hours (but I forgot to ask from when!?). Of course, I also asked about whether I was going to get Claire and James sick. He asked what antibiotics Claire was taking, I told him, and he said that it was actually the same one he just prescribed me, so she should be fine. I told him that James will probably be in tomorrow, and that was that!

I'm probably headed back to work tomorrow; too much to do. I haven't had a fever since about noon, so I think I should be okay to go to work ... I'll just try not to breathe on anyone.

Kind of funny ... my baby and I are taking the same meds. Unfortunately, I ended up with the horse pill; why couldn't I get the yummy liquid stuff?! Man, those baby germs.

Snotty-nosed Daycare Baby

Well, Claire was 100% healthy ... for about a week. She was all better early last week and finished off her antibiotics (which she enjoyed taking - I think it had to do with the novelty of the dropper) this past Saturday. Then, yesterday morning, I noticed a little drip ... just a small run of clear snot coming down. By nighttime, it was the snotty breathing and a low-grade fever. This morning when I went to get her - after she slept in until 8:30 which is completely unheard of - her face was covered in dried snot. Poor baby!

So today I have a distinguished visitor with me as I attempt to work from home. I'm sure that could have taken her into daycare, but there's no sense in me just giving back to the kids what she got from them in the first place. It's actually not too bad now that she can entertain herself pretty well with her room of toys, but it does remind me how badly we need to get those baby gates up! I used to poo-poo at people with snotty-nosed daycare babies ... now I AM that person with the snotty-nosed daycare baby!

In other fabulous parenting news, Claire's pretty much out of diapers, but since I haven't made it back to Babies R US (or Target or wherever) yet, we're scrounging for whatever diapers we have around the house. There's one emergency one in her emergency diaper bag left that I refuse to use, but I did stoop as low as taking some back from the daycare yesterday. :) There is diaper-buying on my list of to-dos for the day. Maybe I'll check out that online diaper site where they deliver to your door! Hmmm ...

And one fun item to leave you with ... Dwo's picture was on the UT sports page! Now, you're probably thinking - as I did - that it means one of the pictures that he took. Not so much, but pretty cool nonetheless. :)

Hook 'em horns!

Sick Baby

Claire's sick. :( She picked up a cold at daycare a couple of weeks ago. It was pretty much just a runny nose for about 10 days, but right before I left for my trip (literally as I'm packing her into her carrier to go to daycare Monday morning) the cold added on a cough. James said her cough was still there Wednesday when I got home from my trip, so I decided to call the nurses' line on Thursday morning to see whether I should take her in. If Dr. Frank was just going to tell me that it's a cold and we can't do anything about it, I didn't want to bother going in and would go to strollerskate instead. But, the nurse said that given the fact that she had the cold about two weeks at that point, we should bring her in to make sure the fluid wasn't going to her ears. I called the school to let them know Claire wouldn't be in that morning.

Dr. Frank confirmed that her ears looked great (no fluid) but that I was right about the cough; the cold was moving into her lungs. He prescribed her her very first medicines for the bronchilitis (not bronchitis) which pretty much means some inflammation of the lungs. I asked him whether she was contagious, and he said that her cold (well, the snot) was but that the cough wasn't. I asked whether she should go to daycare, and he said that it's probably where she picked it up in the first place and that a common cold is probably expected when that many kids are in close quarters to one another. Sooo ...

I call the school after I pick up Claire's prescription to find out what the procedure is if they need to administer medicine during school. The lady who answered asked how Claire was and I responded, "fine, she just has a small cold". She asked what the doctor called it. I thought it was a random question, but I said, "he said it's a cold moving into her lungs, giving her some brochiolitis, I believe; not bronchitis, though". She said, "oooh ... that sounds very contagious; I don't think you should bring her in". Now, I know where she's coming from, but I specifically asked the doctor, she has had no fever, plus it's already been 10 days so I have a feeling all the kids already had whatever Claire had (or gave it to her in the first place).

I pretty much explained that and her response was "I haven't seen any sick kids in the infant room. There may be some little ones with runny noses due to teething, but there's no notification posted that there is anyone sick." Are you freaking kidding me?! You can just LOOK in the room to see there are snot-nosed kids everywhere. I told that to her in so many words (in a pretty nice way, though, I think). Then she said, "well, I have this paper right here, and what you said she has is very contagious and you're not allowed to bring her in".

Now, if I had an option that day, I would not have, but I had meetings .. and now I was pissed. "Are you a doctor?", I asked. "What?". "ARE YOU A DOCTOR?", I asked again. "No.". "Well, neither am I, but I did ask my doctor whether it was okay to bring her in, and he said yes. What do I need to do in order to clear this up?". She said she'd have to get the director to call me back in a few minutes. Fine.

The director called me back shortly and apologized. She said she looked it up, and it sounds like Claire has a cold that's moving some into her chest (duh) but it would be okay for her to come in. So, I packed her up and dropped her off, but this one's sticking with me.

On Friday, I ended up not having to take her in either because my parents came up to visit. Yes, you read that right; my parents - who canceled their trip up here last week because they decided to stay in Houston to enjoy the beautiful Ike experience despite (or because of?) a mandatory evacuation - decided to come up now that the power was finally back on. Hilarious.

The meds are working, though. Claire was a little groggy on Thursday and Friday, I think mostly due to her first flu shot, but in much better spirits today. I held her to sleep on Friday night to aid the drainage, but she's much, much better today. I'm totally bummed I had to miss strollerskate Thursday and our impromptu playdate Friday, but I'm not willing to get others' little ones sick. My goal right now is just getting her well enough for our normal playgroup next week! It's a little ridiculous how much I look forward to those things, but I really do enjoy them. Something about hanging out with other moms with their babies about the same age as Claire ... so fun!

Home, Sweet Home

I went on a business trip three days this week, and boy, did it feel like forever. My flight out was late Monday morning, so I hung out with Claire in the morning until about 9 then dropped her off before heading to the airport. James got to play Dad AND Mom Monday night, Tuesday, and Wednesday since my flight didn't get in until about 11:30 Wednesday night.

He did fabulous.

It may have helped that the Saturday before, I went out with "the girls" from Claire's playgroup ... Mom's Night Out! I think it was the longest James had to deal with Claire all on his own, and he handled it like a champ. Gave him good practice for what was to be just a couple of days later! I had a great time and can't wait to do it again.

Actually, the same thing happened a few months prior when I had my "girls' weekend" and stayed away from Claire for the first time. The weekend prior to that other business trip, Syndee and Nina swept me away to do two night away in Southlake ... far enough to not be in the thick of things but close enough to hurry back if necessary. Two days later, I headed to Charlotte. Interesting.

Anywho, I was so ready to come home, and not just because it was an exhausting trip. I actually yearned to see my family. It certainly didn't help that Claire was sick; I ended up taking her to the doctor Thursday morning, and she's on her first set of antibiotics. Snotty and hacking, she's in great spirits. It's good to be home.

On the Ike update, my parents are fine. The night of the storm, my dad and I texted all night (at one point I think he asked me to stop texting so that he could get some sleep), and they got their power back on Tuesday evening (exactly 4 days). The worst thing was having no power, but mostly because there was no circulation (think: no A/C in Houston?! Yikes). They lost a tree in the front yard, but there was no flooding or damage to the house. My mom said it was really interesting in their neighborhood because - even though there was a lot of debris and felled trees - no trees fell on any houses; they all fell towards the street or across yards. Weird, huh?

Here Comes Ike

Hurrican Ike is here, and by "here" I mean on the Texas coast. It's the first big storm to hit Galveston in 25 years, and I have to admit I'm scared. The last one hurricane to slam Galveston (and Clear Lake, where I grew up) was Alicia back in 1983, and it has a strong impression on me. I guess what happened was my parents moved me from their bedroom to the dining room that night in the dark, and not much longer after, the roof where we were sleeping caved in. I'm not 100% what is actual memories and what is impressions from pictures, but the storm in '83 left a hole in my parents roof, water on the floor, and a huge sense of respect for Mother Nature.

But what's most shocking about this storm is the fact that my parents decided to hunker down and stay at home in Clear Lake. DESPITE the fact that they were planning on visiting Dallas this weekend anyways. DESPITE the fact that their zip code was ordered a mandatory evacuation. DESPITE the fact that they went through Alicia and know the devastation it causes.

Claire and I did a web chat with them earlier and ended up being cut off when their power went out. Luckily we were on cell phones, and those are still working, so I'm still able to keep up with their status. As of right now, Ike is still offshore, my parents are in the dark with flashlights and a radio, and there's a long night ahead.

So now I'm doing my own "hunker" tonight to live Ike from far away. Right now, I'm sitting in front of the TV flipping through all of the news channels to watch the latest updates and getting mad when someone dares to discuss the presidential election rather than the weather. I'm also texting my dad every hour to see how things are going but trying not to because I don't want him to know how scared I am.

The thing I'm dreading most is when the cell towers go down and there will be that period of silence where no communication will get through. Getting through until I hear from them again will be the hardest. What in the world were they thinking?!

Through this I'm also realizing that I have a new sense of purpose in my life. Call it a fear of death or an appreciation of life, but with Claire here now, I would never do anything so risky because she's my priority. Keeping her safe is the most important thing I can do. Maybe if I were younger and riskier, I too would have hunkered down and not have gone anywhere, but now I can't imagine putting my family in such a position; it's not worth it. There is nothing material that's worth the fear it might impose on my child.

It makes me think of another story I heard this morning about a father and his autistic son that were washed out to sea. They treaded water for 14 hours, through the night, until they were rescued. But what makes my heart ache is the account given by the father that, during the night, it was so dark, they couldn't see each other. His son is autistic, so they communicate through Disney phrases. He would call out "To infinity! ... " and his son would reply, "And beyond!" As they floated, they also started floating farther and farther apart until there were moments where he couldn't hear his son at all. I can't even imagine what was going through that father's mind as he tread water in the dark, wondering if his child was still alive. (shudder)

Whew! Okay, well back to TV scanning ... stay dry, family and friends, and I'll talk to you when communications are back up. I'm thinking of you and look forward to hearing that you're all safe and sound.

P.S. A number of you have asked how Claire's sleeping is going. She's actually going down about 9pm each night now, wah-wahing for about 5 minutes, then going to sleep. She stays down (with some grunting and whatever, but we don't go to her) until about 6:15am. Incredible, I know, but I still miss her and sneak it naps with her when I can. :) I'm not 100% sure that she's sleeping all that well - I swear she looks a little tired, but that could also be her cold - but I know it'll get better and better. Thank you for asking!

Missed a "First"?

One of the things that I regret most about having to be a working mom is that I'm probably going to miss a lot of Claire's "firsts". I've come to terms with it some knowing that after a "first" will always come a "second", a "third", and then it'll just become the everyday norm. If I can't see it right when it happens, well she'll just get used to having to repeat it for me again.

Another thing that makes me feel better is that I might not even recognize if I did see the first ... take yesterday for example. Claire's teachers were so excited that she was copying them by patting another baby on the back that was being burped. It was a pretty big deal, but I don't know that I would have necessarily noted the behavior at being a milestone or first! So maybe it's a good thing that we have those teachers around to tell us when to be excited about the mini-milestones. :)

The Fabled "Magical 4th Night"

Everyone says that the 4th night is the "magical 4th night" when it all turns around. Apparently you lay the baby down in the crib and they look up, smile at you, and roll over to sleep. To that, I would like to say B-freakin'-S.

For us, Claire was put down after her usual routine: bath, books, bottle, cuddling. We also added a new piece to the beginning of the ritual ... bubbles! After dinner, we're going to give her bubble-time before everything else since she loves it so much.

Tonight, Claire started crying about two seconds after we laid her down in her crib at 8:55. Grrr ... we did the patting and loving words and then quickly left the room to set the timer -- 20 minutes.

At 9:13, 18 minutes later, Claire fell asleep. Whew! At least we didn't even need to go in to console. I do think that it does get easier, perhaps more for the parents than anything else. As much as it still does pain me to hear her cry, it doesn't hurt quite as much or as deeply. Another corner has been turned.

Monday Morning (Sunday Night Contiuation and Follow-up)

Just thought I'd share since I posted early last night. Claire slept through until 6am when she woke complaining. We made a bottle for James to feed -- which she ate the WHOLE THING -- and then went back to sleep without a peep. At 8am I got up and happened to peek in the room to find her awake and just hanging out in her crib ... no crying, whining, or complaining!

I have the best baby ever. Weissbluth, Ferber, Pantley and Sears ... not exactly sure whose method we ended up using, but I'm feeling pretty good about it and am glad that we did it. Now if only I can figure out how to fall asleep myself!

Tonight's the true test because we head back to work tomorrow. Our intervals are 20-30-30. Thank you to everyone for all your support! All of your words of encouragement and similar stories really did help us get through this whole adventure that much better.

Day 3: Sunday Night

Another fun-filled, action-packed day today. We hung out with Dwo and Crystal -- at home making breakfast, at the mall shopping, and at sushi buffet! I haven't had real sushi (and a lot of it) since when I first found out I was pregnant, so I definitely enjoyed myself tonight. I gave myself a little treat by taking a nap with Claire earlier as well. I know, I should be sleep training her for naps, too ... but I figure that since I don't see her during the day much, I'll let her wonderful teachers at school deal with that little problem. :)


Okay, so for the meat of it ... it's 15-20-30 tonight ... here we go:

• 9:00pm - Super-tired from playing a bunch (Claire LOVES bubbles), we do bath, books, bottle, and cuddling. We say goodbye to Dwo and Crystal who are headed back for Austin and cuddle some more.
• 9:30pm - Eye rubbing and droopy eyes galore, Claire's ready for bed. This time, she wastes no time figuring it out and starts crying as soon as I lay her down in her crib! We hurry out and set the timer -- 15 minutes.
• 9:40pm (10 minutes into the 15 minutes) - The screaming crying is just complaining exclamations now. It's like she's saying, "hey! you! this is annoying! meanies!" but at least not yelling at the top of her lungs.
• 9:42pm (12 minutes into the 15 minutes) - Silence. Asleep. Seriously. AND her head is turned to the side, AND I can see it in the video monitor clearly. Wowsers.
• 10:20pm - Wakes crying, softly at first, then in more earnest. I set the timer -- 15 minutes.
• 10:28pm (8 min into the 15 min) - Asleep again.
• 10:33pm (11 min into the 15 min? Or should it be a new 15 min?) - Up and crying again, but it's not bad. Just her yelling.
• 10:37pm - We go in there, but even as we're approaching the crib, we realize the crying is just her calling out but not actual cries. We sneak back out to watch her on the video monitor without alerting her to our presence.
• 10:42pm - She's managed to make her way to the other end of the crib, but she's quiet and appears to be asleep.
• 11:24pm - Up again. I set the timer just to be consistent (15 minutes), but I think I'll just wait to see if her crying escalates to needing to console her. I'm thinking no, though.
• 11:30pm (5 min into the 15 min) - Asleep. I'm thinking that maybe I stop timing and just go with the gut for these night wakings. Or maybe don't time until the crying out becomes all-out crying. Also thinking maybe I should try and go to sleep.
• 1:40am - Maybe I'm the one that needs sleep training. How come I can't take advantage of this and sleep?! I miss aving Claire's little warm body next to mine and being able to snuggle up. :( Okay, okay, here I go to try the whole sleep thing again.

The final tally (at least until 1:40am):

• Time to sleep: 12 minutes (-10 min from last night)
• Times woken up in night: 2
• Times we had to go in: 0 (we did once, but we didn't HAVE to)

Tomorrow is 20-30-30, and then we'll just do 30 min for now on. Hopefully (crossing fingers) it doesn't matter since we never even got to the "20" from the 15-20-30 intervals tonight.

Bye-Bye Pump

Done with pumping as of Friday, I've packed up all my stuff and put it away. The pump, bottles, tubing, all that jazz. I have a bunch of extra storage bags and other supplies that I'll probably offer to the many moms who have had babies recently; apparently I was a little overly ambitious as to how much I'd be pumping or how much longer. Our kitchen counter is so much more open! I'm both relieved and a little sad ... my baby is growing up too fast!

In other news, our house is pretty darn clean right now because straightening up gives you something to do while you're listening to your baby cry. Cathy taught me that, and it's absolutely true.

Day 2: Saturday Night

Today we kicked things off earlier than yesterday, mostly because we're all exhausted. Not only did James and I not get much sleep last night, we were ambitious and went on a morning walk, to Costco, to a free Gymboree class, and Wal-Mart during the day. At first, we expected to start the process around 9 or 10 again tonight, but I had a feeling that there was no way Claire would make it that late. Here's how it played out:

• 8:00pm - Bath, book, cuddling. Didn't do bottle because Claire showed no interest in it. We actually just finished eating not too long before, so we knew she didn't want it. However, it leaves the question of whether she's going to need to eat at some point during the night; we'll figure that out when we get there.
• 8:20pm - Lots of eye-rubbing and head burying, so we lay her down. She's smiling some until the moment that we turn off the light and head out of the room. She went directly into the loud, long crying. Yesterday's intervals were 5-10-15 min, so today is 10-15-20. James sets the timer -- 10 minutes.
• 8:27pm (7 min into our 10 min) - It sounded like her crying was subsiding, but then it gathered again full force.
• 8:30pm - We head in there to pat her on her back and tell her how much we love her. She doesn't stop crying this time when we console her; it almost sounds like her cries get louder! :( We head out after a few minutes already planning to go back in again after this next interval. She's sweating again from all the crying, so we turn down the A/C a notch. James sets the timer -- 15 minutes.
• 8:40pm (7 min into our 15 min) - The crying subsides and becomes crying out noises instead. I'm holding my breath hoping that the worst might be over.
• 8:42pm (9 min into our 15 min) - I finally exhale (I swear I was holding my breath the whole time); silence! I crank up the monitor volume -- which I had turned all the way down before because no monitor was needed to hear her -- and relish in the deep breaths I hear coming from the device. She's asleep!
• 8:48pm - The timer goes off marking 15 minutes, but we don't need to go in because she's asleep. We spend a couple of minutes discussing what we'll do if she wakes to feed, but decide that we're too tired to make a really rational decision, so we'll just play it by ear when and if the time comes.
• 10:04pm - Dwo and Crystal are here! Yay! And Claire's still asleep! Double-yay!
• 10:30pm - Okay, I'm headed to bed ... our actual bed this time. As I'm getting ready for bed, I realize that this is the first time in 6 months and 3+ weeks that I have the opportunity to sleep with James in the same room all night, just the two of us.
• 10:43pm - Claire wakes up crying literally as I'm laying down in my own bed and my head touches the pillow. James and I agree that if she's still crying after her 10 minutes are up, I'll offer her the bottle since she didn't take much formula today. I set the timer -- 10 min.
• 10:45pm (2 min into the 10 min) - I can't stand just lying in bed listening to her cry for 10 minutes, so I get up, go to the living room, and update this blog while watching the video monitor and the countdown. Our video monitor also doesn't work in our room (distance between our rooms is too far), so I have to leave the master in order to watch.
• 10:51pm (9 min into the 10 min) - Crying subsides ... then increases ... ebb ... flow ... wax ... wane ... 1 more minute.
• 10:53pm - I go in and mix her bottle. She's still whimpering after I pick her up meaning she must be legitimately hungry. She finishes about 4 ounces and then falls asleep. Uh-oh. Now what? Aren't I supposed to put her in her crib with her "sleepy but not asleep"? But I'm not dumb enough to wake a sleeping baby, either. I contemplate my options.
• 11:02pm - I decide to put her down in her crib and just see what happens. She, of course, wakes up pretty immediately. What was I so worried about? :P I leave her room and set the timer -- 15 minutes.
• 11:07pm (2 min into the 15 min) - I go back into the master bedroom to turn the audio monitor back on so that (meanly) James has to listen to the crying, too. Hey, why should I be the only one suffering through? On my way to the bedroom I recognize that I'm not going to be sleeping in the master tonight. Another night on the couch for me!
• 11:09pm (4 min into the 15 min) - In the master, I realize that the audio monitor IS already on ... yet somehow James is still able to snore soundly over the noise. I recognize that he's exhausted, but seriously?! That has got to be a man-talent of some kind.
• 11:11pm (6 min into the 15 min) - The crying subsides and turns into the "nooooo .... nooooo" noises.
• 11:12pm (7 min into the 15 min) - Silence. Claire's asleep. Whew. Except that I'm pretty sure she's sleeping face-down based on both the video and audio. I debate going in there to turn her head.
• 11:20pm - Timer sounds signaling the 15 min are up, but she's asleep, so I decide to lay down on the couch instead and not worry about turning her head.
• 12:05am - Claire wakes again, and this time she means it! I set the timer -- 10 min again
• 12:11am (7 min into 10 min) - James comes out of the bedroom (my diobolical plan worked) and Dwo and Crystal join in the waiting and watching party.
• 12:14am - With just secounds left, she falls asleep. Even with the timer counting down to zero, her breathing is slowing. Dwo and Crystal cheer.
• 2:10am - James wakes up, out of habit, I think. He turns down the A/C because the termostat schedule had the temp up to 78. We realize that we're going to have an entire additional A/C unit cooling the majority of our house at night just to keep Claire comfortable when we used have just the unit on our side of the house wth the master running. Look forward to those future eletricity bills. :P We go back to sleep.
• 3:35am - Up again; 10 minute timer.
• 3:39am (4 min into 10 min) - She's silent, though not asleep, rolling around the crib.
• 3:40am (5 min into 10 min) - She makes her "noooo ... nooooo" noises.
• 3:41am (6 min into 10 min) - Silence.
• 3:45am - Timer goes off, but everyone's already asleep.
• *** Some stuff may or may not have happened here. If it did, it was minor, and I was too tired to remember or care.***
• 6:30am - Claire's starting to stir. My internal clock has me springing awake, on-call, and ready to make her a bottle and semi-start our day.
• 6:47am - She went back to sleep! Sheesh. Fine, I'll lay back down, too.
• 7:30am - Okay, it's late enough, right? She's been rolling around her crib for awhile, and I'm ready to go see my baby! I head in and start the day!

The final tally:

• Time to sleep: 22 minutes (-6 min from last night)
• Times woken up in night: 4, not counting actual waking time (same as last night)
• Times we had to go in: Once to give her a bottle. Pretty good!

For Day 3? 15-20-30 min intervals! Yikes! Wish us luck!

*Deep breath* Here we go ... Day 1: Friday night

I figured I'd blog about the "Cry It Out" weekend since it's such a HUGE event for me. I've been dreading having to do this, and I have had no qualms letting anyone that will listen know how I don't want to do it but know that we need to. This may be my longest blog ever ... seriously.

• 4:30pm - Pick up Claire from daycare. Usually I get her about 6:00, but knowing what is about to take place tonight, I figure an extra hour of play will do both of us some good. Well, at least me. I find out when I pick her up that she has not taken her later afternoon nap. Uh-oh.
• 5:30pm - Claire and I fall asleep together cuddled up on the chaise (our favorite sleeping-together place) after playing for the last hour. I figure this is like a last hurrah and it'll only last her typical 30-minutes, so no big deal.
• 7:15pm - We wake up from our marathon nap. Whoops. Hmm ... I wonder how this will impact the rest of the night's agenda. At least we're up in time for our normal dinner time! Since a lot of the literature I've read says that you should delay your bedtime ritual the first night until the time the baby usually falls asleep, we'll play until 9:00 (when she usually falls asleep in my arms).
• 9:00pm - Bath, books, bottle, cuddling. Whole thing takes about 45 minutes, and this is when she falls asleep in my arms, right? Nope. Little girl is happy, perky, jabbering, and in no way ready for bed. Yikes.
• 10:20pm - A yawn! Okay, this is it ... directions are to place her in her bed, sleepy but not asleep, so that she can associate going to sleep and not just waking up there. We can do this ... *deep breath!* ... down she goes and ... she looks up and smiles at us! What?! Will it be that easy? James and I head to the living room to start the night.
• 10:25pm - The crying starts, plaintively at first. Watching from our video monitor, we can tell that it's that coy mewing where she says "wah-wah" but is taking glances at the video monitor to make sure we're watching. She's working her way around her crib, rolling, rocking, on her back, on her stomach, on her knees, on her feet, head down, head up; our little gymnast/monkey is telling us she does not want to be there. I start my timer -- 5 minutes.
• 10:30pm - Timer goes off, but we're already heading into her room to pat her on the back and tell her how much we love her because I've been watching the timer tick down the last two minutes. She immediately stops crying and waits patiently for us to pick her up. We stick by the plan and head back out after a minute or two of soothing.
• 10:32pm - The crying starts again, this time in earnest. I think she was surprised that we actually left the room instead of taking her with us! I start the timer -- 10 minutes.
• 10:42pm - We go back in again to pat her on the back and tell her how much we love her. Again, she stops crying when we enter the room and looks at us in anticipation. She's definitely tiring and seems to almost fall asleep on my hand that I put on her arm to pat her. Still, we stick by our plan and head back out, this time turning down the A/C a degree because she seems to be sweating with all that crying.
• 10:43pm - Wailing starts, long and loud. My stomach clenches, I turn off the audio on the monitor, and I turn up the TV.
• 10:54pm (11 minutes into our 15 minutes) - The crying slows and turns into her blah-blah-blahing noises that she makes before she falls asleep each night. It's her way of telling me each night that she'd rather stay up than fall asleep; I think she's say "noooo ... nooo ... I don't wanna go to bed!" right before she passes out. A secret? It's pretty close to what I do when I'm rolling around in bed on nights that I can't fall asleep either; like mother, like daughter. I think the last time that happened was sometime around the week before Claire was born ... has it really been 7 months since I've had a full night's sleep?!
• 10:56pm (13 minutes into our 15 minutes) - Deep breathing and ... silence?!
• 10:57pm (34 seconds later) - Timer goes off to let us know we can go comfort her, but -- guess what? -- we don't need to because she's asleep. Wowsers.
• 11:00pm - I get nervous because it's too quiet, it seemed so easy, and I start thinking that maybe she passed out instead of falling asleep. Or she can't breathe because she's face down. I turn up the monitor all the way to try and hear her breathing. I think I hear a hiccup and relax.
• 11:02pm - I sneak into her room through the jack-n-jill bath to adjust the monitor so that I can see the back of her head because she has fallen asleep with her head jammed into the corner just out of view. That's better.
• 11:03pm - The back of her head isn't good enough. I sneak into her room further and use my iPhone flashlight to make sure I can see her back rising and falling and that her nose is unobstructed. Her face is pressed into the nubby yarns of her blanket, but I'm pretty sure she's okay. I restrain from touching her at all.
• 11:18pm - I turn the monitor all the way up again to make sure she's breathing, but the music in her room is louder than her breathing. I debate on whether to go turn her head. I decide not to do it; why chance waking her up?
• 11:55pm - Still sleeping. I realize I should probably go to sleep instead of waiting up and watching the monitor because if she wakes up in the middle of the night - like she's wont to do around 2am - I might need some sleep to do this over again!

• 12:00 Midnight - Claire stirs and starts crying. I swear I didn't do anything. I've been sitting here on the couch working on my blog updates! I wait a little while to see if it's going to persist, then start the timer -- 5 minutes.
• 12:03am (3 minutes into the 5 minutes) - She settles back down and appears to fall back asleep. I think I'll leave the timer running down anyways (I know, I know, I'm weak). BTW, James has been asleep on the couch next to me for about 30 minutes now. Lucky guy, though I don't know how he does it!
• 12:07 - Timer goes off, but she's asleep so I keep blogging. [For future reference, if you're working on two blogs at the same time and upload pictures to one, don't be surprised if the pictures show up on the second one instead!]
• 12:30am - Still asleep. I finish posting Claire's latest blog update and continue uploading pictures to Ofoto and videos to YouTube (which is SOOO slow, btw). I have a ton of them I'm planning on uploading this weekend, although if I don't end up going to sleep like I should, I might just finish them tonight!
• 12:45am - Claire wakes up. I know this because I have been watching the video monitor even as I'm watching TV (love "Psych"; so funny!) and post captions on pictures I just uploaded. But no crying ensues, so no timer needed! Less than a minute later, it appears as though she's back asleep.
• 12:55am - Head moving again, but - again - no crying. So why aren't I asleep?!
• 1:30am - Okay, I finished my "Psych" episode, I can hear her breathing (though she's still sleeping face down), I've finished captioning the pictures I added tonight, and my last video is uploading now. Guess I'll try to get some winks!
• 1:45am - Claire just cried out a couple of times and turned in her crib. Now I can't see her head again! Sheesh. We're getting close to her usual "waking at 2am for a few minutes" time. We'll see how this goes. Oh, and yes, I'm still awake. Debbie's up so we're emailing back and forth.
• 1:59am - For real crying out now, a bit plaintively. She's looking around for us and wondering what in the world is going on. I start the timer -- 5 minutes.
• 2:02am (3 minutes into our 5 minutes) - She activates the crib toy, "Blue hippo! <>". She stops crying to check out her noisemaker and then resumes crying out but not actually crying.
• 2:04am - Timer goes off, but James (who has woken up) and I debate whether to go in since she's not crying anymore. We decide to wait.
• 2:06am - The "nooooo .... nooooo .... don't wanna fall asleep" noises are back. I'm hoping this means she's falling back asleep. Just three more hours until I allow myself to go to her and feed her!
• 2:11am - Silence. Trying to decide whether I should go turn the video again so that I can see her. I decide that I should try to sleep instead, and even if I do fix the camera, she'll probably just turn around again anyways.
• 2:30am - Sigh, still awake. Got distracted looking for Claire's Halloween costume and watching a documentary about Nike (swoosh!).
• 3:00am - Okay, going to sleep (I guess now it's just take a nap). For real. Honestly. Since we decided to camp out on the couch this weekend, all I need to do is CLOSE THE LAPTOP NOW. Okay, okay, here I go ...
• 4:35am - Up again, some crying again. I start the timer -- 5 minutes.
• 4:39am (3 minutes into our 5 minutes) - Blah-blah-blahing. Let's go past our 5 minutes and see.
• 4:41am - Quiet ... sleep!
• 6:10am - Crying again. We give it a couple of minutes but decide that this time sounds more like true "I'm hungry!" calls.
• 6:14am - Bottle is made, and James heads into the room while I watch on the monitor. The cries intensify when she sees Daddy walk through the door and immediately stop when he picks her up.
• 6:18am - Nothing to watch because Baby is out of the frame.
• 6:20am - Here comes James with (awake) baby in one hand and bottle in the other. No interest in eating, huh? We confer on what to do. Put her back in her crib? But is she ready to get up? What if she falls asleep? Claire cuddles while we get analysis-paralysis.
• 6:40am - Now we figure it's late enough to just stay up (not that 6:20 wasn't but 6:40 really does make sense). James takes Claire to her room to play, and I pass out on the couch.
• 7:30am - Claire's back, she's stayed up, and now I'm up, too. I declare last night a great success! Now to figure out what to do during the day ... I never read that far in the books on what to do with naps. Hahaha. Well, even if I mess this one up, it's the poor daycare that gets to deal with the aftermath on most days (sorry, girls)!

The final tally:

• Time to sleep: 28 minutes
• Times woken up in night: 4 (not counting actual waking time)
• Times we had to go in at night: 0 <-- ZERO!

Tonight: 10-15-20 min intervals! I'm not dreading it as much as I did last night, but I'm definitely curious how it'll turn out!

Finito, finitus, fini, fertig ... finished

Today was the day. I've pumped my last pumping for Claire. The last few weeks I was doing 2 pumpings a day which went down to one last week, and - as of today - I'm done. I have three saved frozen bags in the freezer that I've been hoarding (for what, I don't know), so she's get one bottle each day over the Labor Day weekend, and then we're all formula until she's 1!

Maybe I've been saving those bags knowing the other thing we're doing this weekend (yes, "crying it out") almost as a "I'm sorry, baby!" offering ... :)

More on the "other activity" shortly (gulp!).

Mommy has an Owwie

So Claire got me good on Friday. Somehow, my spastic daughter managed to poke me in the eye while flailing around playing, actually getting a finger (or fingernail) ON my eyeball, and now it's red and ugly on the side of my iris. I'm still trying to decide whether to go to the doctor (and would I go to an eye doctor or a normal doctor?) or just see if it'll heal. Although today, I'm starting to lean towards going to see someone now that I think it's raised up where her finger made contact (eewww ....). It's so frustrating because you can't exactly look at the corner of your eye in the mirror (ever tried it?) so I don't know exactly how it looks except for how James describes it to me and the couple of pretty disgusting pictures I've taken so far. I do not recommend trying to take pictures of your eyeball.

Good times.

(Sort of) Funny First-day-of-daycare Story

So, today's Claire's first day at daycare, and I'm doing okay! This morning, Claire slept in late (as she's been doing recently), so I steathily moved her to her pack and play so that I could get dressed, pump, and pack my lunch. She woke up while James was getting dressed, and between the two of us, we did a really good job getting us ready as well as her bottles made, bag packed, and ready to go.

When we got there, Claire had no problems going to the teacher and hung out in her lap for a little while. James and I had to fill out some paperwork, so we alternated doing that and peeking in the window of the room a few times. When we were leaving, she'd moved onto the floor and was starting to play with the other little kiddos.

My (sort of) funny story? So this afternoon about 3:30 (while I'm in a meeting) my cell phone rings and my caller ID shows "Primrose School of Castle Hills" since I added them to my contacts. I blaze out of the conference room already answering my phone while walking.

"Hello, Mrs. Pee? This is xxx from the Primrose School of Castle Hills. How are you doing?" Seriously, HOW AM I DOING?! Daycare calls in the middle of the first day I drop her off to ask me how I'm doing?! She should have just skipped any niceties and tell me WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABY!

Needless to say, I skipped the "I'm fine" and went with "what's wrong?". (pause) "We were wondering if there was a second jar of food for her lunch." O-M-G ... so, after I caught my breath and stopped having my minor embolism, I told her that it was in the fridge behind her bottles. I kept her on the phone some extra time to ask how Claire's day was and how things were going (I figured I was due given the heart attack); fine on all accounts.

This evening when I went to pick her up, she was all smiles. I can almost pretend that it was smiles from beginning to end, but I have a feeling that wasn't exactly the case. There were a few rough patches today, I know, but I also know that it'll be fine and that she's going to be well taken care of by the folks there. She took 2 4-oz bottles (may be a first!), ate food, and played with the other kids. Her little friend Sofia will be joining her in a few weeks, so that will be fun, too.

All in all, a good first day.

Happy Anniversary

This past Friday, August 15th, was James and my 7-year anniversary. It's hard to believe that it's been 7 years since we said our vows in The Chapel by the Sea at Kauai Lagoons. It truly was a fairy tale wedding with most of our family and closest friends attending. I'm so ready to go back! Vow renewals, anyone?

Not only is it our 7-year wedding anniversary, 8/22 marks TEN YEARS since James and my unofficial first date. It's hard to say when James had our very first date ... was it the lunch at Villa Capri? When he helped me move in? Our actual first date at The Oasis and Putt-Putt? Really, it doesn't matter which event was truly the first ... what's most important is that, even 10 YEARS later, I'm still so in love with this amazing man and honored that he's my husband.

It's hard to imagine that I ever would have found someone that complements me as well as James. He washes, I fold; I load the dishes, he unloads; he'll take mornings while I stay up at night. There is compromise, laughter, and knowing that tomorrow is another day. James makes me want to be a better wife and mother because he raises the bar every day ... plus I need to make sure he doesn't get that 7-year itch!

In the past, James and I have used our anniversary (first date or wedding) as an excuse to go on a trip somewhere. But, with the new house and baby, we decided to just keep it local this year. Instead, we had a lunch date to L&L Hawaiian BBQ in Lewisville, and yet it was still perfect. Together, we tried something new, we reminisced about the years we've been together, and we even brought in a little bit of the Islands. Even if I can't renew my vows in Hawaii anytime soon, I'd marry him all over again. Here's to 7 (or 10!) years together and 70 (or 100!) more!

For those who haven't seen this, here's a video that my little bro Dwo put together for us of our wedding:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vua3d0U_wnU

i ...

I saw this on Corrie’s blog and really liked what she shared. I took a stab at mine below and found out it’s a lot harder than you would think! If you happen to do this yourself, send me your answers!

• i am: proud to be a wife, mother, daughter, friend, employee, manager, woman
• i dream: in 1st person and techno-color
• i think: I’m a pretty nice person, for the most part
• i know: that I know so little
• i want: to retire in 10 years (you hear that, James?)
• i have: everything that I truly need
• i wish: I could work part-time with the same money and benefits
• i hate: being so far away from family
• i miss: sleep … glorious, uninterrupted, just-because-you-can-sleep sleep!
• i fear: that I’ll forget to stop and smell the roses
• i feel: blessed to have so much
• i hear: the wheels turning as I scheme up a new adventure
• i smell: with my nose much better than James
• i crave: hugs and kisses
• i search: for my keys every morning because I never put them in the same place
• i wonder: what I’ll be when I grow up
• i regret: nothing for too long; what’s the point?
• i love: wholly with no reservations
• i ache: having to leave Claire every morning
• i care: too much sometimes
• i always: see things from both sides of the story
• i am not: the person who will decide where to eat
• i believe: in miracles
• i dance: with Claire to make her laugh
• i sing: out loud in the car, usually with the wrong lyrics
• i cry: in secret
• i don’t always: say what I’m really thinking
• i hope: I am a good role model for my daughter
• i fight: as little as possible but to the death for what I truly believe in
• i write: emails instead of picking up the phone
• i lose: my train of thought more than I … what was I saying?
• i listen: with my heart, then my head
• i can usually be found: online
• i need: to admit when I need help
• i am happy about: being alive
• i desire: to be a better wife, mother, daughter, and friend

Work-Life Balance

Well, here I am at midnight stealing a moment to type a post on my blog ... taking a break from doing some necessary tasks for work while simultaneously hand-pumping so that I don't disturb my sleeping baby and husband not 10 feet away. Hmmm ... is this what they mean by "work-life balance"?

Seriously, though, it's a tough job being a working mom. I am absolutely not knocking being a stay-at-home mom which I think, in so many ways, is even harder than working. SAHM's are on-call 24/7, and I've found that they often suddenly feel as though they need to bear the weight of the home on their shoulders: women who never cooked before crack open those cookbooks; they clean like they've never cleaned before; they somehow become that June Cleaver they never imagined being. But I do have to say that, while I may not be home with Claire all day during the day, there is no such thing as a part-time mom. Even as I'm at work in a meeting or driving to the office, I'm balancing thinking about what I need to do that day with what needs the baby has right now and what I need to do when I get home for her.

However, I made the decision to keep working as an investment into both James and my future. I could selfishly say that I want to stay home, but I need to think of the longer term impacts and whether that's truly what I want ... sigh.

Another decision I made was that I'm no longer going to pump at the office. Claire is officially 6 months, and my supply is pretty much nonexistant anyways. Starting today, I've decided to pump once in the morning (a measly 2oz) and once at night (another measly 2oz) so that she can get at least some breastmilk each day, even if it's just one feeding. We'll see how long I can keep that up until my 4oz wane to 3, 2, 1 ... I would stop altogether, but that whole "foot and mouth" story of Kenny and Brenna's keeps going through my head -- and with Claire starting daycare in a couple of weeks, I have a feeling she's going to need all the antibodies she can get!

Back to work!

Too Soon to Celebrate

Okay, I know it's too soon to celebrate, but Claire technically slept through the night! Sort of. 2 night in a row now, she skipped her middle-of-the-night feeding (yes, she was still getting a middle-of-the-night feeding ... until now!) so she would take her last bottle and not need another until early morn, take that one, and then sleep some more. That means she's sleeping about 7 hours straight (with a little tossing and turning at her old feeding time) then adding another 3 hours as bonus. Fabulous!

Well, there's the small detail that the last bottle was about 10:30 (a smidge later than the 8:00 she was doing), and her "sleep some more" would go until 8:30. It's not that bad on the weekends, but I'm not sure how that's going to work tomorrow when I need to go to work. I have a feeling telling my bosses "well, I can't come in until 10 because I have to sleep with my daughter until 8:30" isn't going to fly.

There is the option that I just get up after the early morn bottle (has been about 5:30), but I'm NOT a morning person. Kim, I don't know how you do it every morning ... and you other moms, too, of course. I think the schedule the last 2 night has been perfect ... now if only I can convince work of the same ...

Baby's First Cold

Claire has her first ailment. It's just a minor summer cold as far as illnesses go, but I still feel bad for her. She's got a slight cough (all dry, not wet or hacking) that's actually pretty cute. I couldn't tell if she had just learned she could make the noise or she was actually coughing. She also has a runny nose, but other than that, no fever, no ear infection, or anything else.

Being a first time mommy, I struggled with whether to take her into the doctor. I don't want to be that mom that runs to the doctor at the first sneeze, but I also don't want to be negligent mommy that should have taken her but didn't. That lasted from Tuesday until Wednesday night when I saw the first indication of her pulling her ear (okay, she could have been scratching her head) and made an appointment first thing Thursday morning.

Dr. Frank said (just as I thought but wanted to confirm) it's just a minor summer cold and there's not much we can do except keep her head elevated at night and suction her nose. There's no swelling of the throat, and he even described her ears as "perfect". Given that Claire doesn't seem to realize that she's even sick, I'm thinking I'm okay with the diagnosis.

Oh, except I've had a scratchy throat this week as well and was hoping that I could use her appointment to diagnose myself so that I don't have to go to the doctor. Is that so bad? :) I'm also feeling a little guilty because I'm not sure if I got sick first and gave it to Claire or she got sick first and gave it to me ... either way, one of us definitely gave it to James. Just keeping it all in the family!

One thing did come out of the appointment. I asked Dr. Frank if it was worth still pumping if Claire's only getting 6-8oz a day ... he said yes, every ounce counts. So, onward pumping I go! I don't mind it really, I just wish there were more. The fenugreek did nothing for me, so I'm going to try and get my hands on Mother's Milk Tea this weekend (a blend of fenugreek and blessed thistle). All my other questions I'm saving for next week at Claire's 6 month appointment. SIX MONTHS!

Lollapeelooza: Redux

Redux - adj - brought back; returned; resurgent

Yup, it's back. We finally brought back Lollapeelooza. It's been a couple of crazy years between building a new house and being pregnant, but we had a good excuse to throw a party this year. I won the Dreyer's Slow Churned Neighborhood Salute again which meant that I needed to get all of that ice cream out of the house!

James and I rented the CH Community Center (such a great deal), got a bounce house from Trish's company Bounce for Fun (we also checked it for quality beforehand by jumping in it), and catered fajitas from Avalon's (I'm all about supporting the local folk). Other than that, snacks and ice cream toppings were all we needed!

The plan was to have the party from 11-2, so I asked to rent the place from 10:30-2:30 (you know me, I like to make sure everything's in order). Fran - the lady that runs the center on the weekends - said it wasn't necessary because we were the only booking for the day, so 11-2 was fine. Save $30? Sure! She even gave us a key to let ourselves in the morning of at whatever time we wanted.

Come Sunday morning at 9:30, we're all up and raring to go. James' dad had already run out to get us bags of ice, the cars were all parked, and Claire was dressed. We show up at the Community Center and the room was filled ... BY A CHURCH! Now, I'm willing to do a lot of things, but throwing a church out of a space isn't one of them. We sweetly asked what time they would be done and were told they usually run until 11. Um, yeah, that wasn't exactly going to work for us. I think they heard the panic in my voice because they said they would get out of there by 5 'til. Gee, thanks.

We spent the next hour getting ready in the lobby (packing coolers, setting up trays, melting queso) while the sermon was happening. I believe it was during one singing stretch that the bounce house was inflated right outside their window (I can only imagine what a sight that was!) and during the closing remarks was when James and I were scrambling into the house to try it out. We had purposely not taken Claire on a walk in the morning so that she wouldn't inadvertantly take a nap, so she fell asleep for the hour right before the party started (perfect!), and, as soon as those doors were opened at 10:50, you can bet your bubkus that we were scurrying into the hall to set-up in record time.

The party itself was great. The first hour or so was pretty much Horizon Lines folks (way to represent!), then there was a flood of folks around noon when babies' morning naps were finished. I have to say, the 12-1 hour was pretty darn overwhelming. Our final RSVP list was somewhere around 60 adults and 30 children, and it sounded like everyone was there during that middle hour. But most of the kiddos were little, so we didn't really have to worry about lots of kids underfoot. Then, from 1-2, things slowed back down again and nicely wrapped up right at 2 so that we could quickly clean up and get out of there for the 2:30 party after ours. They extended the rental on our jump house when they came to pick it up. :)

I only wish I had been able to talk to everyone more and had remembered to take more pictures, but it was so good to see everyone! I can't wait for next year's, but I think I'll give myself at least a few days off before I start planning. Hehe.

It is amazing to think that we have truly reached another chapter of our lives. This was the first party of ours that was truly PG-rated. Not that we had drunken debaucharies before, but this was definitely the most kid-friendly. And it was fun! Does this mean I've finally grown up? Scary.

Slow down, baby!

Is it wrong of me to want Claire to slow down her growth and development? I feel like it's all happening too fast! Plus, sometimes I look at her, and I wonder if it really is happening too early?! The teeth growing, the sitting up, the drinking from a straw and a cup, the wanting to feed herself ... I keep wanting to tell her to slow down, baby!

Our First Trip -- the dirty details

Just got back from Aspen ... our family real family trip. I have to say, before going out there, I had no qualms at all about traveling with her. Although I was nervous about the plane ride (and being "those people"), lots of folks have told me that babies just get lulled to sleep by the engine, so I figured that would be the worst of it.

On our flight from Dallas to Vail, Claire did not sleep. She wasn't exactly "that" baby, but she refused to settle down, didn't want to take her (overdue) nap, and was not happy being confined to a seat. Luckily, it's only a 2 hour flight, there was an empty seat in our row so that we could spread out, and our flight attendant didn't mind when I ended up walking with her up the aisle. She fell asleep as the plane was landing. I give Claire a C- ... James gave her an F.

My parents picked us up in Vail to drive us the hour and a half to Aspen. Claire, who usually sleeps in the car, proceeded to have a meltdown for the first 15 minutes or so. I gave her a D ... James gives her an F.

Once in Aspen, things were much better. We all had a touch of altitude sickness ... the worst of it for Claire was when we went up the Aspen mountain gondola and Claire threw up (not spit up) while we were up there. I give me and James an F for putting our baby through that ordeal. :(

The biggest drama of the week ended up being a non-pooping baby. Claire was a VERY poopy baby (think multiple times a day) up until she started solids and formula a month ago. Since then, it's been a little bit more here and there, but never more than 2 days. While in Aspen, she went from Friday until Wednesday without doing her business. It became a pretty big deal to where I called the pediatrician to ask for advice. They suggested brown sugar w/water first ... Claire didn't like it much, but she drank it. Nothing. Next, diluted apple and/or prune juice; Claire didn't like either. How did I end up with a child that doesn't like sweets?! So, nothing. Added in a little rectal stimulation. Still nada. In the end, we ended up with the suppository to do the trick, and suddenly we went from fussy to happy baby!

So, again to summarize ... Saturday through Thursday were "eh", poop on Thursday morning, and then Thursday and Friday were fabulous! Saturday (this morning) Claire did a great job on the trip back to Vail (A) and was the best baby ever on the plane (A+!).

The trip itself was good. I love seeing my whole family together, and everyone loves Claire so much. Claire had tons of firsts, growth, and development -- she's sitting up on her own without tripoding, she holds her straw like a real adult, she went in the pool for the first time -- and it was nice to hang out with her for long periods of time. I haven't been able to spend just normal days with her since my maternity leave, so I really enjoyed this quality time.

Next vacation ... Outer Banks in October for Daphne's wedding! I'll have my supplies ready. :)

Projectile Vomiting and Bleeding Scalps

Last Sunday, Claire tried a new food. Having mastered rice cereal and bananas (she's more fond of the former than the latter), we thought we'd try something new and selected sweet potatoes (the baby food variety) as the winner. James and I bought the organic kind from Babies R Us, and Claire ate it for dinner very eagerly.

Later than evening, Claire was also super fussy due to teething (we think) so we gave her some Tylenol before going to bed. I was holding my little angle after she finished her formula just gently rocking when .... BLEEEEEEEEEECH ... she proceeds to vomit all over me, herself, the glider, and pretty much everything else in our vicinity. I sat there in horror for a second debating me options while Claire sits and grins at me. The girl has spit up before, but never this much. I didn't even know her stomach could hold that much food!

"James!" I call hoping he can hear me through the monitor. "Jaaaammmmmmeeeessss!" Nothing. I kind of pick her up but hobbling because I want to avoid driping any more spew and head to our bathroom. As I strip her down to put her in her bouncy chair (we keep it in our bathroom), I noticed that there was a red mark by her eye. Geez, not only did she throw up, she scratched her eye! I grab a face towel off the ring and wipe her down before heading to the changing table to re-dress her.

I get the diaper on (it's an increasingly difficult job as she becomes more mobile) and a sleep sack on when I notice the red mark has grown to cover her entire face. Horrified, I reopen her sleep sack and see that the blotchiness covers her entire body!

My options run through my head ... was it the sweet potatoes? The Tylenol? The formula? Can I give her Benadryl if she just had Tylenol? But what if she threw it up?! I run into her bath past James who's trying to clean off the glider and dunk her into the tub and sponge her off. Luckily, it seems to work even though she's still a little itchy in the head.

Crisis averted, we noticed that there was some booming noises outside. The Castle Hills 4th of July celebration (yes, on 29th). Our little family unit gathered on the window seat in our dining room to watch the show and settle down after all the drama.

And bleeding scalp? Claire's head itches either due to eczema or cradle cap, so she's been scratching in a comical hand on head scratch-scratch-scratch kind of way. We're forcing her to wear a sleeper with mittens at night so she doesn't scratch at night, but we don't want to do that during the day because of developmental reasons. The girl is FAST and can get those little fingers into her hair in less than a second; one day, she managed to scratch herself on the scalp enough to make it bleed! That day, socks on the hands WERE the solution. Urgh ... she's a mess ... but oh, so cute. :)

Separation Anxiety

Well, I did it! I survived a night -- in fact, three! -- away from Claire. Last weekend, Syndee came in town for a Girls' Weekend, and we headed to Southlake Town Square to have a sleepover with Nina on Friday and Saturday night. It was the first night that I wasn't there to put Claire to bed, and I found myself checking the clock thinking about what she might be doing now. It was also the first night in the last 5 months that I had the opportunity to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time straight (because you don't sleep well that last month of pregnancy either) ... and what do I do? Wake up every 4 hours to stare at the clock for a few minutes and find myself unable to sleep past 6. :)

Saturday night was better; not nearly as difficult. But I sure was ready to head home Sunday morning! Seeing her sweet, smiling face when I got home topped off an awesome weekend, and I am so grateful to Syndee, Nina, and Diana for realizing how much I needed to decompress and vent to my best girlfriends.

As for James, I heard that Friday night was pretty rough. It took over 2 hours to get Claire down, and they (he and his parents) finally resorted to the stroller. Saturday, however, was much better.

Then, this week, I had a business trip where I left early Tuesday morning and returned Wednesday night. Even though it was only a one-nighter, it was harder to leave because it was two full days instead of just one, I was out of town instead of just down the street, and I really missed two nights since I didn't get to put her to bed either day.

This morning, I was determined to hang out with her a few minutes before I went to work so I waited for her to wake up. What is it about babies and only sleeping when you don't want them to?! Usually Claire start stirring about 6:30, so at 6:20, I start waiting ... and waiting ... and then decided to get ready while I waited ... and waited .... 7:20 rolls around, and I'm getting antsy. FINALLY at 7:30 she pops her head up, looks around, and blesses me with a big smile.

Totally worth the wait.

Being away has been a good thing, I think, for all of us. James now has the confidence that he can take care of Claire on his own, Claire's more comfortable with Daddy, and Mommy doesn't feel the pressure as much anymore that she always needs to be available. Maybe I can pick up those weekday dinners with Corrie again!

Time Goes By

This past Sunday -- Father's Day -- marked one year since I found out I was pregnant. Incredibly, it's been a year since our lives irrevocably changed just because there were two pink lines instead of just one.

I still remember how I broke the news. I was a few days late and decided to take a test in the morning. There was this faint, faint second line that I wasn't even sure was really there ... but it was enough to get my hopes up even though I didn't say anything to anyone (my parents happened to be visiting that weekend because I wanted them to see the new house). I waited until that afternoon after everyone was gone to take another test. Yup, there it is, that second line! I wrapped up the two tests in a plastic bag -- because not wrapping them up is just too gross -- and put them in a gift bag along with a card "Pickles and Ice Cream ... Let the cravings begin!" that I left on James' laptop. And waited. And waited. And waited.

About 6 HOURS later, James was working on his laptop, and I eagerly waiting for his reaction. A few MINUTES later I hear "What the hell? WHAT THE HELL?!" (he's not a cusser). He came into the living room in shock, gave me a hug, and mumbled something about needing to go research 529 plans. :D

3 weeks -- and about 10 additional at-home pregnancy tests -- later, we shared the news with our families. I had originally wanted to wait until after my first sonogram at least, but it's so hard to get my side of the family together nowadays that I just had to take advantage of the situation. Plus, morning sickness was starting to kick in full force, and I wanted to let them know why I felt like crap.

The opportunity really presented itself rather nicely, actually. Everyone was sitting around playing the Wii, and Dwo asked me if I was going to get another dog. I said probably not because we'll probably do the kid thing first. Dwo asked, "okay, when do you think that will be?", and I said, "how about next February?". He said okay and kind of walked off ... then it sunk in, eyes got wide, and he was super, super excited. My mom, who was washing the dishes, said something like, "I thought you were going to tell us that last time we were in Dallas, and that was why you wanted us to visit!". Moms. :)

Fast-forward to today. I look at how quickly Claire is growing and learning, and I'm in wonder at how fast time goes by. Each day when I come home from work, I feel like she's bigger, faster, smarter, stronger. At the end of each evening, I look at her just a little longer than necessary to remember the moment because never again will my little girl be this little, this dependent, this vulnerable. Everyone keeps pushing for the next milestone -- the solid foods, the crawling, the talking -- but I want to say "slow down!". I want to enjoy this moment in time just a little bit longer.

I hardly feel like I'm the same person I was just a year ago; I'm so much more. Not only am I a wife, I'm also a mother. I have not one, but two, full-time jobs because you don't stop being a mom just because you're not with your baby. I've learned how to focus on a little sleep and to make quick decisions, usually to stop the crying. I realize that I'm no longer the eternally "nice" person anymore, but I haven't figured out what my new label might be. My relationship with James has morphed and grown into something different ... but deeper. Although it's never going to be over between James and I (a running joke he'd understand), if anything were to ever happen, our lives are now eternally entwined to where we would never truly go separate ways. I no longer live just for myself but also for another little person. Being a mom is both the most rewarding and most difficult job I've ever had.

And it's all worth it. I'm exactly where I want to be.

Why Can't I Sleep?!

Seriously. How is it that both my baby and my husband can sleep ... well, like babies? James, who happened to do a roll for work at midnight last night for about 15 minutes, was exhausted today and passed out at 8 when Claire did. Yet I, who has averaged maybe 6 hours of (non-contiguous) sleep at night for 4 months now, am unable to join them in slumber. I was never even able to "sleep when the baby sleeps"! It's a skill, I think ... one that I have yet to master.

The Deed's Been Done

Well, today's the day. Claire is 4-months old today, and we gave her formula for the first time. At her well-baby visit, I told Dr. Frank that I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep with her needs, so he green-lit both solid foods and supplementing with formula ... and gave us a ton of formula samples, of course. It would be great if I never actually had to buy any of it myself! :)

Funny thing is, I actually pumped enough yesterday and today that there wasn't a need to go to the powdered stuff, but I felt strongly that I want to try it on a weekend so that I can see the results and make sure everything goes okay. So, at her last feeding before bed tonight, we first mixed 2oz of breastmilk with 2oz of formula, then gave her another 2oz of straight formula. She took it all like a champ! I'm both relieved and a little sad. But the most important thing is that Claire is getting the food she needs.

Now, we just watch. Today's a little weird also because she's not feeling great from her shots, plus she didn't eat or sleep much today, but you gotta start some time. If we wait until the perfect time, there just won't be any, so today's as good a day as any!

Feed the Need

Claire's still taking down bottles like a champ, many of them 4oz at a time. It's quite exciting and fascinating to watch given that she used to complain all the way through just an ounce of milk from a bottle. However, there is a price to pay on my side in that, now that she's fully on medium-sized nipples and being fed as if she's drinking from a beer bong, she doesn't exactly want to work for her food ... meaning she doesn't always have patience to feed from the boob. Instead of needing to pump enough to get her through the day while I'm at work, I now have to pump enough to also get through her feedings until she goes to sleep ... and, in the case of this morning, one for her dawn feeding as well. That's a lotta milk!

I'm angry with myself that the weekend she increased her feedings was also the weekend that I decided to act the martyr and pump during the day instead of feeding on need. I did a great job pumping my normal amount, but it's not enough to satiate the new milk monster that has emerged. What if I could have provided if I had just breastfed her and poo-pooed what other people were requesting?

Breastfeeding is such an emotional thing for me. I love it. For one thing, it's the one thing that I can do for my baby that no one else can provide; it makes me special. Plus, there's this incredible bonding when she's feeding where I can just watch her and I feel so at peace. Not to mention that it makes me feel like a hero ... able to give life! It's an extension of the feelings I had when I was pregnant and carrying this little baby around in my body keeping her safe. And I'm not ready for it to be over!

My biggest fear right now is that I'm not able to pump enough for her to feed throughout the day and that I won't make it to 6 months. Logically, I know that supplementing with formula isn't a bad thing and that any breastmilk is better than none, but I can't help but feel like I'm letting her down if I give up.

Why does it seem like I'm always writing about breast feeding?