Time Goes By

This past Sunday -- Father's Day -- marked one year since I found out I was pregnant. Incredibly, it's been a year since our lives irrevocably changed just because there were two pink lines instead of just one.

I still remember how I broke the news. I was a few days late and decided to take a test in the morning. There was this faint, faint second line that I wasn't even sure was really there ... but it was enough to get my hopes up even though I didn't say anything to anyone (my parents happened to be visiting that weekend because I wanted them to see the new house). I waited until that afternoon after everyone was gone to take another test. Yup, there it is, that second line! I wrapped up the two tests in a plastic bag -- because not wrapping them up is just too gross -- and put them in a gift bag along with a card "Pickles and Ice Cream ... Let the cravings begin!" that I left on James' laptop. And waited. And waited. And waited.

About 6 HOURS later, James was working on his laptop, and I eagerly waiting for his reaction. A few MINUTES later I hear "What the hell? WHAT THE HELL?!" (he's not a cusser). He came into the living room in shock, gave me a hug, and mumbled something about needing to go research 529 plans. :D

3 weeks -- and about 10 additional at-home pregnancy tests -- later, we shared the news with our families. I had originally wanted to wait until after my first sonogram at least, but it's so hard to get my side of the family together nowadays that I just had to take advantage of the situation. Plus, morning sickness was starting to kick in full force, and I wanted to let them know why I felt like crap.

The opportunity really presented itself rather nicely, actually. Everyone was sitting around playing the Wii, and Dwo asked me if I was going to get another dog. I said probably not because we'll probably do the kid thing first. Dwo asked, "okay, when do you think that will be?", and I said, "how about next February?". He said okay and kind of walked off ... then it sunk in, eyes got wide, and he was super, super excited. My mom, who was washing the dishes, said something like, "I thought you were going to tell us that last time we were in Dallas, and that was why you wanted us to visit!". Moms. :)

Fast-forward to today. I look at how quickly Claire is growing and learning, and I'm in wonder at how fast time goes by. Each day when I come home from work, I feel like she's bigger, faster, smarter, stronger. At the end of each evening, I look at her just a little longer than necessary to remember the moment because never again will my little girl be this little, this dependent, this vulnerable. Everyone keeps pushing for the next milestone -- the solid foods, the crawling, the talking -- but I want to say "slow down!". I want to enjoy this moment in time just a little bit longer.

I hardly feel like I'm the same person I was just a year ago; I'm so much more. Not only am I a wife, I'm also a mother. I have not one, but two, full-time jobs because you don't stop being a mom just because you're not with your baby. I've learned how to focus on a little sleep and to make quick decisions, usually to stop the crying. I realize that I'm no longer the eternally "nice" person anymore, but I haven't figured out what my new label might be. My relationship with James has morphed and grown into something different ... but deeper. Although it's never going to be over between James and I (a running joke he'd understand), if anything were to ever happen, our lives are now eternally entwined to where we would never truly go separate ways. I no longer live just for myself but also for another little person. Being a mom is both the most rewarding and most difficult job I've ever had.

And it's all worth it. I'm exactly where I want to be.