Claire's still taking down bottles like a champ, many of them 4oz at a time. It's quite exciting and fascinating to watch given that she used to complain all the way through just an ounce of milk from a bottle. However, there is a price to pay on my side in that, now that she's fully on medium-sized nipples and being fed as if she's drinking from a beer bong, she doesn't exactly want to work for her food ... meaning she doesn't always have patience to feed from the boob. Instead of needing to pump enough to get her through the day while I'm at work, I now have to pump enough to also get through her feedings until she goes to sleep ... and, in the case of this morning, one for her dawn feeding as well. That's a lotta milk!
I'm angry with myself that the weekend she increased her feedings was also the weekend that I decided to act the martyr and pump during the day instead of feeding on need. I did a great job pumping my normal amount, but it's not enough to satiate the new milk monster that has emerged. What if I could have provided if I had just breastfed her and poo-pooed what other people were requesting?
Breastfeeding is such an emotional thing for me. I love it. For one thing, it's the one thing that I can do for my baby that no one else can provide; it makes me special. Plus, there's this incredible bonding when she's feeding where I can just watch her and I feel so at peace. Not to mention that it makes me feel like a hero ... able to give life! It's an extension of the feelings I had when I was pregnant and carrying this little baby around in my body keeping her safe. And I'm not ready for it to be over!
My biggest fear right now is that I'm not able to pump enough for her to feed throughout the day and that I won't make it to 6 months. Logically, I know that supplementing with formula isn't a bad thing and that any breastmilk is better than none, but I can't help but feel like I'm letting her down if I give up.
Why does it seem like I'm always writing about breast feeding?
No comments:
Post a Comment