Well, I did it! I survived a night -- in fact, three! -- away from Claire. Last weekend, Syndee came in town for a Girls' Weekend, and we headed to Southlake Town Square to have a sleepover with Nina on Friday and Saturday night. It was the first night that I wasn't there to put Claire to bed, and I found myself checking the clock thinking about what she might be doing now. It was also the first night in the last 5 months that I had the opportunity to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time straight (because you don't sleep well that last month of pregnancy either) ... and what do I do? Wake up every 4 hours to stare at the clock for a few minutes and find myself unable to sleep past 6. :)
Saturday night was better; not nearly as difficult. But I sure was ready to head home Sunday morning! Seeing her sweet, smiling face when I got home topped off an awesome weekend, and I am so grateful to Syndee, Nina, and Diana for realizing how much I needed to decompress and vent to my best girlfriends.
As for James, I heard that Friday night was pretty rough. It took over 2 hours to get Claire down, and they (he and his parents) finally resorted to the stroller. Saturday, however, was much better.
Then, this week, I had a business trip where I left early Tuesday morning and returned Wednesday night. Even though it was only a one-nighter, it was harder to leave because it was two full days instead of just one, I was out of town instead of just down the street, and I really missed two nights since I didn't get to put her to bed either day.
This morning, I was determined to hang out with her a few minutes before I went to work so I waited for her to wake up. What is it about babies and only sleeping when you don't want them to?! Usually Claire start stirring about 6:30, so at 6:20, I start waiting ... and waiting ... and then decided to get ready while I waited ... and waited .... 7:20 rolls around, and I'm getting antsy. FINALLY at 7:30 she pops her head up, looks around, and blesses me with a big smile.
Totally worth the wait.
Being away has been a good thing, I think, for all of us. James now has the confidence that he can take care of Claire on his own, Claire's more comfortable with Daddy, and Mommy doesn't feel the pressure as much anymore that she always needs to be available. Maybe I can pick up those weekday dinners with Corrie again!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Time Goes By
This past Sunday -- Father's Day -- marked one year since I found out I was pregnant. Incredibly, it's been a year since our lives irrevocably changed just because there were two pink lines instead of just one.
I still remember how I broke the news. I was a few days late and decided to take a test in the morning. There was this faint, faint second line that I wasn't even sure was really there ... but it was enough to get my hopes up even though I didn't say anything to anyone (my parents happened to be visiting that weekend because I wanted them to see the new house). I waited until that afternoon after everyone was gone to take another test. Yup, there it is, that second line! I wrapped up the two tests in a plastic bag -- because not wrapping them up is just too gross -- and put them in a gift bag along with a card "Pickles and Ice Cream ... Let the cravings begin!" that I left on James' laptop. And waited. And waited. And waited.
About 6 HOURS later, James was working on his laptop, and I eagerly waiting for his reaction. A few MINUTES later I hear "What the hell? WHAT THE HELL?!" (he's not a cusser). He came into the living room in shock, gave me a hug, and mumbled something about needing to go research 529 plans. :D
3 weeks -- and about 10 additional at-home pregnancy tests -- later, we shared the news with our families. I had originally wanted to wait until after my first sonogram at least, but it's so hard to get my side of the family together nowadays that I just had to take advantage of the situation. Plus, morning sickness was starting to kick in full force, and I wanted to let them know why I felt like crap.
The opportunity really presented itself rather nicely, actually. Everyone was sitting around playing the Wii, and Dwo asked me if I was going to get another dog. I said probably not because we'll probably do the kid thing first. Dwo asked, "okay, when do you think that will be?", and I said, "how about next February?". He said okay and kind of walked off ... then it sunk in, eyes got wide, and he was super, super excited. My mom, who was washing the dishes, said something like, "I thought you were going to tell us that last time we were in Dallas, and that was why you wanted us to visit!". Moms. :)
Fast-forward to today. I look at how quickly Claire is growing and learning, and I'm in wonder at how fast time goes by. Each day when I come home from work, I feel like she's bigger, faster, smarter, stronger. At the end of each evening, I look at her just a little longer than necessary to remember the moment because never again will my little girl be this little, this dependent, this vulnerable. Everyone keeps pushing for the next milestone -- the solid foods, the crawling, the talking -- but I want to say "slow down!". I want to enjoy this moment in time just a little bit longer.
I hardly feel like I'm the same person I was just a year ago; I'm so much more. Not only am I a wife, I'm also a mother. I have not one, but two, full-time jobs because you don't stop being a mom just because you're not with your baby. I've learned how to focus on a little sleep and to make quick decisions, usually to stop the crying. I realize that I'm no longer the eternally "nice" person anymore, but I haven't figured out what my new label might be. My relationship with James has morphed and grown into something different ... but deeper. Although it's never going to be over between James and I (a running joke he'd understand), if anything were to ever happen, our lives are now eternally entwined to where we would never truly go separate ways. I no longer live just for myself but also for another little person. Being a mom is both the most rewarding and most difficult job I've ever had.
And it's all worth it. I'm exactly where I want to be.
I still remember how I broke the news. I was a few days late and decided to take a test in the morning. There was this faint, faint second line that I wasn't even sure was really there ... but it was enough to get my hopes up even though I didn't say anything to anyone (my parents happened to be visiting that weekend because I wanted them to see the new house). I waited until that afternoon after everyone was gone to take another test. Yup, there it is, that second line! I wrapped up the two tests in a plastic bag -- because not wrapping them up is just too gross -- and put them in a gift bag along with a card "Pickles and Ice Cream ... Let the cravings begin!" that I left on James' laptop. And waited. And waited. And waited.
About 6 HOURS later, James was working on his laptop, and I eagerly waiting for his reaction. A few MINUTES later I hear "What the hell? WHAT THE HELL?!" (he's not a cusser). He came into the living room in shock, gave me a hug, and mumbled something about needing to go research 529 plans. :D
3 weeks -- and about 10 additional at-home pregnancy tests -- later, we shared the news with our families. I had originally wanted to wait until after my first sonogram at least, but it's so hard to get my side of the family together nowadays that I just had to take advantage of the situation. Plus, morning sickness was starting to kick in full force, and I wanted to let them know why I felt like crap.
The opportunity really presented itself rather nicely, actually. Everyone was sitting around playing the Wii, and Dwo asked me if I was going to get another dog. I said probably not because we'll probably do the kid thing first. Dwo asked, "okay, when do you think that will be?", and I said, "how about next February?". He said okay and kind of walked off ... then it sunk in, eyes got wide, and he was super, super excited. My mom, who was washing the dishes, said something like, "I thought you were going to tell us that last time we were in Dallas, and that was why you wanted us to visit!". Moms. :)
Fast-forward to today. I look at how quickly Claire is growing and learning, and I'm in wonder at how fast time goes by. Each day when I come home from work, I feel like she's bigger, faster, smarter, stronger. At the end of each evening, I look at her just a little longer than necessary to remember the moment because never again will my little girl be this little, this dependent, this vulnerable. Everyone keeps pushing for the next milestone -- the solid foods, the crawling, the talking -- but I want to say "slow down!". I want to enjoy this moment in time just a little bit longer.
I hardly feel like I'm the same person I was just a year ago; I'm so much more. Not only am I a wife, I'm also a mother. I have not one, but two, full-time jobs because you don't stop being a mom just because you're not with your baby. I've learned how to focus on a little sleep and to make quick decisions, usually to stop the crying. I realize that I'm no longer the eternally "nice" person anymore, but I haven't figured out what my new label might be. My relationship with James has morphed and grown into something different ... but deeper. Although it's never going to be over between James and I (a running joke he'd understand), if anything were to ever happen, our lives are now eternally entwined to where we would never truly go separate ways. I no longer live just for myself but also for another little person. Being a mom is both the most rewarding and most difficult job I've ever had.
And it's all worth it. I'm exactly where I want to be.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Why Can't I Sleep?!
Seriously. How is it that both my baby and my husband can sleep ... well, like babies? James, who happened to do a roll for work at midnight last night for about 15 minutes, was exhausted today and passed out at 8 when Claire did. Yet I, who has averaged maybe 6 hours of (non-contiguous) sleep at night for 4 months now, am unable to join them in slumber. I was never even able to "sleep when the baby sleeps"! It's a skill, I think ... one that I have yet to master.
The Deed's Been Done
Well, today's the day. Claire is 4-months old today, and we gave her formula for the first time. At her well-baby visit, I told Dr. Frank that I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep with her needs, so he green-lit both solid foods and supplementing with formula ... and gave us a ton of formula samples, of course. It would be great if I never actually had to buy any of it myself! :)
Funny thing is, I actually pumped enough yesterday and today that there wasn't a need to go to the powdered stuff, but I felt strongly that I want to try it on a weekend so that I can see the results and make sure everything goes okay. So, at her last feeding before bed tonight, we first mixed 2oz of breastmilk with 2oz of formula, then gave her another 2oz of straight formula. She took it all like a champ! I'm both relieved and a little sad. But the most important thing is that Claire is getting the food she needs.
Now, we just watch. Today's a little weird also because she's not feeling great from her shots, plus she didn't eat or sleep much today, but you gotta start some time. If we wait until the perfect time, there just won't be any, so today's as good a day as any!
Funny thing is, I actually pumped enough yesterday and today that there wasn't a need to go to the powdered stuff, but I felt strongly that I want to try it on a weekend so that I can see the results and make sure everything goes okay. So, at her last feeding before bed tonight, we first mixed 2oz of breastmilk with 2oz of formula, then gave her another 2oz of straight formula. She took it all like a champ! I'm both relieved and a little sad. But the most important thing is that Claire is getting the food she needs.
Now, we just watch. Today's a little weird also because she's not feeling great from her shots, plus she didn't eat or sleep much today, but you gotta start some time. If we wait until the perfect time, there just won't be any, so today's as good a day as any!
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