"Go back, go back, go back ..."

"... Go back to where you were."

I was singing this song to myself the other day and asked James what song it was from. He said, "um, Blues Clues." Sigh, now I actually hum kid show songs to myself. Better than than, "there's a party in my tummy! so yummy, so yummy!" ... which has also happened before, and it's not pretty, I tell you.

Well, tomorrow I go back, go back, go back ... to work. I can hardly believe it's been 12 weeks already since Gavin was born on Christmas day. I had a little "moment" today while I was cleaning out the closet. Poor James walked in on me while I was wallowing, and I'm sure immediately regretted it. If I were him, I would have been looking for the nearest exit to get away as quickly as possible without being noticed. It was just a little overwhelming that, all on the same day, Gavin outgrew his 0-3 month clothes, I packed up my maternity clothes with the realization that I'm probably not having any more kids, I found I still don't fit in all of my pre-maternity clothes and have nothing to wear to work, and I have to go back to work with the guilt that I'm not home with my babies.

This time around, though, I'm definitely more laid back about leaving Gavin with my in-laws (and my parents in a couple of weeks). I left one scratch page of notes (ie "eats every 3-4 hours; here are my phone numbers; don't forget tummy time!"), and that's about it. In fact, I feel a little bit guilty because we haven't bothered acclimating Gavin to the bottle or anything yet, so tomorrow should be pretty interesting.

Three months home, three months back ... that's what I'm shooting for. I'm determined not to make a wholly emotional decision and to evaluate my situation again in three months. Deciding whether to stay at home full-time is a BIG decision, and it's not one I think I'm ready to make today. So, if you work with me, don't go telling my boss that I'm quitting or start scheming to steal my stapler yet!