Just got back from another business trip to the Pacific Northwest. For this trip, I left early on Monday and got back Friday afternoon. To help James out while I was gone, his parents came into town so that Claire could stay home during the day. I used to think that traveling when Claire was really young was awful because she might forget me while I was gone. Now I've discovered that being gone at this age was even worse!
When I walked in on Friday, Bunny III (our Roomba) was running so no one heard me come in. I came into the living room and Claire toddled from the other room. I SWEAR she grew bigger during the four and a half days I was gone.
She stared at me. I held my breath.
I knelt there as she toddled over to me tentatively, put one hand on my shoulder, and rested her head on my shoulder. This reaction was much different than the exuberant launching I had been dreaming of as I raced back home from the airport! She raised her head and looked at me in the face bringing our eyes together real close, then laid her head back down again on my shoulder and gave me a hug. My heart squeezed.
But no big smiles quite yet. This girl was going to make me WORK for it ... which I deserved, of course, for leaving her for almost a week. The rest of the afternoon, I paid my dues and groveled for her forgiveness.
Luckily, sleeping is still a great reset button, and she was back to her old self again the next morning ... but that look on her face when she stared in my eyes still haunts me. I'm sorry for leaving, my baby!
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1 comment:
Well said...I still remember when Way-Way refused to sit and stood up by the day care's doorway to wait for me to pick her up after I rushed back from my 2-hour morning class. It was the year of 1981 and the guilty feeling has been deeply rooted in the heart that I will never forget. Good writing and Claire will know you love her no matter where you go because she is part of you from the date she was born.
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